Sponsor: Whether tailgating in Happy Valley or watching the action at home, take your Saturday spread to the next level with Sauces, BBQ Dry Rubs and Bloody Mary Mix from the 409 Tailgate Club. Visit 409’s Online Store HERE.

As the days grow shorter, the nights turn colder, and as the holidays loom on the horizon, it’s once again time for us all to build up another Teflon-tough mental callus necessary for watching football alongside your dusty, sweater-clad relatives.

Oh it’s coming…peanut gallery comments spewing from your Werther’s Original, don’t-touch-the-thermostat, Matlock enthusiast grandparents about how today’s players are Charmin soft — what with their concern about their brains, earnest off-the-field interests, facemasks and forward passes.

As you turn to roll your eyes without detection, they’ll harken back to the Sepia Tone days of One-Platoon Football when guys played BOTH offense and defense, sucked on salt tablets when they were thirsty, then put in 14 hours mining iron ore and captured Fort Ticonderoga from the British as soon as the final whistle blew.

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Introduction

In previous years, coming off a loss, a sleepy and windy Saturday in Bloomington, Indiana would’ve been a recipe for a Penn State letdown. This year though, the Nittany Lions’ talented youngsters (along with one notable 24-year-old) guided Penn State to a thorough bounce-back against an overmatched Hoosiers squad that lost their quarterback before halftime and lost their 2020 mojo, oh….(checks calendar)…22 months ago. Still, no matter the opponent, Saturday’s 45-14 win was a great sign for a team that emotionally folded the tents in November last year.

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There are three ways for freshman college football players to see the field:

1. They replace an injured player
2. They get into a game that is well in-hand (or well out-of-hand)
3. They prove that they deserve to be there instead of an upperclassman

Penn State’s Class of 2022 continued to use those various entry points to Saturday’s 45-14 romp over a mostly hapless Indiana team, which illustrated both the hope for the Nittany Lions’ future and what makes their present a bit vexing.

The Nittany Lions’ offensive line was beaten up entering the game, with Olu Fashanu and Landon Tengwall left behind in State College with injuries. True freshman Drew Shelton started in place of Fashanu — a role he could find himself in on a more-permanent basis if Olu leaves for the NFL Draft — and accorded himself nicely, as did not-freshman-but-first-year-Nittany Lion JB Nelson, who replaced an injured Hunter Nourzad at guard on the first possession.

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Sponsor: Whether tailgating in Happy Valley or watching the action at home, take your Saturday spread to the next level with Sauces, BBQ Dry Rubs and Bloody Mary Mix from the 409 Tailgate Club. Visit 409’s Online Store HERE.

• 92.3% sure I used this topper before…but whatever. It fits: As Chumbawamba once pontificated, these Nittany Lions got knocked down, but they got up again for the second time this season, further distancing themselves from the rolling snowball of suck that was the second half of last year. With “nothing to play for” in front of a scattered, gap-riddled, British-smile of a crowd the Nittany Lions tub-thumped Indiana as if there were still pollsters to impress. The haters won’t like this, but kudos to James Franklin and the rest of the staff for erasing at least one of many troubling narratives attached to his 9-year tenure…well, for now, anyway.

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Introduction

As weird as it sounds, Saturday’s battle between Penn State and Ohio State simultaneously showed the Nittany Lions have the talent to complete with anyone in the Big Ten AND reminded us how far away they are from truly being “elite.” And yeah, the whole elite thing is a played out cliché at this point, but it still applies here. Sorry James, you made this bed, not us.

Despite entering as 2-touchdown underdogs in the desert, many pundits felt Penn State matched up better against the Buckeyes than they did against Michigan two weeks prior. Through 51-ish minutes on Saturday, this was proven true as the Nittany Lions grabbed a 21-16 late lead on a gutsy 4^th down TD run by Kaytron Allen. Then things changed. The Ohio State offense that had been relatively rudderless through three and half quarters scored 21 points on 175 yards in about three and a half minutes of possession. The Ohio State defense generated, with great plays, two more turnovers to bring their total to four. And the Penn State fan base left the game frustrated and confused about how things can change so quickly.

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The problem with fighting the champ, the heaviest-hitting of the heavyweights, is that you’re forever one punch away from disaster.

You could be ahead on points, you could have cut him, you could be executing your strategy to perfection, and you could be frustrating him, even as the later rounds tick by and the swell of the crowd grows around you.

But if he lands just one big swing, the whole fight changes.

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• Tweet Of The™ Game goes to Senior Editor of The™ Athletic (and apparent State College resident), Matt Brown, @MattBrownCFB: “Penn State Took The™ Lead With 9:26 Left And Is Losing By Multiple Possessions With 8:17 Left.” Unreal turn of events. Those not-niiiiice 69 seconds felt like suddenly awaking from the™ most beautiful dream only to find your house on fire, your wife banging the™ gardener, a telemarketer blowing up your phone, all while you try to flex/rub out a charley horse in your right calf.

• Upset of the™ Day: Absolutely NO qualms with James Franklin’s pre-game approach or in-game decisions. NONE. Unlike 2019, 2020 and 2021, when Franklin was content playing a superior Ohio State squad straight up…and in turn content to lose by a smidge more than a touchdown with no zero flirtation of pulling off the™ monumental upset, today Franklin rolled the™ dice, pushed the™ enveloped, colored outside the™ lines on occasion, and coached like a 15-point underdog. And, damn, it almost worked.

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Sponsor: Whether tailgating in Happy Valley or watching the action at home, take your Saturday spread to the next level with Sauces, BBQ Dry Rubs and Bloody Mary Mix from the 409 Tailgate Club. Visit 409’s Online Store HERE.

Last 42 minutes of my life (I counted) are gone, wasted away, circling the drain of curiosity, incapable of escaping the Marianas Trench of Internet wormholes.

And who (or what) is to blame? Why it’s the title of this week’s tailgate recipes: Drunk & Blacked Out Shrimp.

I let out a faint chuckle when this creative culinary concoction arrived in my Inbox thanks to the good folks and Blue and White bleeders at the 409 Tailgate Club. It certainly paints a picture, doesn’t it? An inebriated shrimp, keeled over, his shrimp buddies stacking empty red solo cups on his head or taking a Sharpie to his little shrimp face…which got us wondering, ‘Do Shrimp drink? Heck, do shrimp even have mouths?’

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