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Knowing us, of course we saved our wildest tailgate recipe of the season for last. Yes, even wilder than making pork poppable, like we did with our Kielbasa Tots creation.

Hear us out:

Peanut Butter.

Chocolate.

Chicken.

Yep, you read that right.

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Introduction

Another week, another dominating Penn State win. Huh, so this is what being an Ohio State fan must feel like. How boring. Like always, Penn State traveled east and big-brothered Rutgers like the Nittany Lions always do, marking the third straight Saturday Penn State picked up a W against the division’s traditional also-rans. Much like the Indiana and Maryland wallopings, Penn State leaned on it’s two-headed freshmen backfield attack along with another merciless defensive performance to end the competitive phase of this contest by the middle of the 3^rd Quarter.

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TV analysts and other such folks who like to oversimplify football will often say that a defense will try to make an opposing offense “one-dimensional” – stack the box to gum up the run game and encourage the offense to pass, or (in fewer cases) flood the secondary with extra defenders to deter the pass and offering a clear path to run the ball.

Manny Diaz and Penn State’s defense, it seems, don’t seem to care which dimension their opponents choose, only that, whether they decide to run or to pass, they wind up losing yardage.

An aggressive and effective defense once again ruled the day for the Nittany Lions in a 55-10 stomping of Rutgers that did not seem headed for a stomping in the first quarter. While a Penn State offense missing Parker Washington and relying upon several young offensive linemen struggled to find consistent footing and the special teams followed up Nick Singleton’s scintillating 100-yard return by giving up a 66-yard return to Aron Cruickshank, the defense found itself in a mildly alarming 10-7 hole.

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Sponsor: Whether tailgating in Happy Valley or watching the action at home, take your Saturday spread to the next level with Sauces, BBQ Dry Rubs and Bloody Mary Mix from the 409 Tailgate Club. Visit 409’s Online Store HERE.

• As much as we love to b*tch about the Big Ten schedule-makers’ obvious vendetta against Penn State Football, those Excel aficionados in Chicago unknowingly did the Nittany Lions a HUGE solid by backloading the 2022 slate with a bunch of helmet-wearing sloths. Because, my goodness, recent the tidal wave of injuries on offense has forced Mike Yurcich to piece things together with duct-tape, chewed wads of Juicy Fruit, and infomercial Flex Seal – like the Nittany Lions OC is some lamented playsheet-holding MacGyver or something. It’s weird offering up this commentary considering Penn State eclipsed the 50-point mark for the first time since 2020, but this offense was a sputtering mess for a decent portion of Saturday. For much of the first half, faulty pass protection was the stick in the Nittany Lions’ bicycle spokes. Once that issue was fixed, another leak sprung – Penn State’s incomplete WR crops, down the services of safety blanket Parker Washington, couldn’t separate.

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Introduction

Death. Taxes. Beating Maryland.

I won’t pretend to know what it’s like being a Maryland fan. Heck, I’m not even sure there are Maryland fans. But if there are any turtle backers out there, I assume they gotta feel like Bill Murray’s character from Groundhog Day – early season competency that fades like a snowflake on your tongue by late October, Rinse, Repeat. There’s not much that’s certain in life, but as confidently as anything I can say that, as currently staffed, Maryland cannot be a good football team…ever…and their belief that maybe, maybe, “this year” will be different always makes for one hilarious Saturday in the fall.

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Sean Clifford became Penn State’s career passing leader Saturday, when the uber-veteran quarterback went 12-of-23 for 139 yards and one touchdown in the team’s 30-0 smacking of Maryland.

He also, thanks largely to a Nittany Lion defense that channeled Bobby Boucher from the first series to the last, was the best quarterback on the field, as Taulia Tagovailoa went 11-of-22 for 74 yards, not including his early completion to Aric Harris, one of his offensive linemen.

It was not an afternoon for aerial fireworks in soggy Beaver Stadium.

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• Can’t speak for the 106,000 suckers who spent their hard-earned dollars for the privilege to don a garbage bag and sit upon a soggy slice of aluminum for 4 hours but, snug and warm inside the climate-controlled confines of this overpriced condo, that might have been the most enjoyable Penn State football-viewing experience we’ve had since….gosh, 2017? Help us out here: when’s the last time Penn State thoroughly annihilated a “decent” opponent from opening kickoff to final kneel down? Damn that was fun. As we said on Twitter: Other than the future gym teacher/pharma rep. throwing the football for the Nittany Lions, Penn State looked like the greatest team in the history of the sport during the 1^st half. The defensive front 7 had Tua Light seeing ghosts, the freshmen RBs ran with a point to prove, Jake Pinegar did his best Justin Tucker impression, and James Franklin had better-than-expected form on his push-ups. A+ effort, all around.

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