Introduction

Penn State has 2 wins in 2 weeks; that’s a streak – and a positive one at that. Not only is it two games without pain, but Penn State’s 23 – 7 win against Rutgers was the 900th win in program history. PSU joins Michigan, Ohio State, Alabama, Texas, Yale, Notre Dame, Oklahoma, and Nebraska as the only teams to eclipse the 900 mark. Congratulations to every player, coach, and staff member who’s contributed to even one of those 900 wins – it’s further proof (for those who may have forgotten) that Penn State really is in the upper echelon of college football.

Today, we will focus on this week’s game, season and what’s going well, what still needs improvement, and take a brief look back at the 134 seasons that have cumulated in 900 wins.

Basic Statistics Summary – Rutgers

Another week, another green fill for the Lions in the stat column that matters most – points. Looking beyond the score, PSU thoroughly dominated every major facet of the game. Domination is a relative term, though. Inherently it assumes something about the performance of the faction that is being dominated. And in this case, that opposing faction – i.e. Rutgers Football – isn’t very good. So while Penn State outgained Rutgers by nearly 2-to-1, outrushed them by 3-to-1, and controlled the ball for 13 more minutes, it feels as though Penn State still has a long way to go to if it intends to contend for conference and/or national titles in the near future. 

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Sometimes, the bottom line has to be enough.

On several occasions on Saturday in wind-swept Piscataway, Penn State looked like a team that finally had all four wheels on the ground, and on others looked like the team that kept veering into traffic during the first five weeks of the season. But when the fourth quarter read all zeroes, the Nittany Lions had another win, by the score of 23-7, and exactly how convincing you believe that was or precisely what it means for the bigger picture is up to you.

Because, really, that’s what it’s about at this point in a lost season, right? What you see on the field is not really about the present any longer but what the future means for Penn State. And while maybe the margin wasn’t what some observers wanted it to be or thought it should be, there were enough positive signs in this one that bode well for the future.

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FTB’s Rapid Reaction/Stream of Consciousness Following the 900th Win in Penn State History 

• Know how I know life is slowly, SLOWLY getting back to normal? Penn State won, yet I – and I’m gonna guess a lot of you reading this – am/are ticked off. While it warmed the cockles of my heart to watch Penn State play “Neanderball” the entire 4th Quarter , it didn’t completely cover up the annoying reality that we all had to pay full attention to a Penn State-Rutgers game in the 4th Quarter.

• In defense of Sean Clifford, these receivers need to help the dude out a little bit.  Parker Washington dropped two catchable – not perfect, but catchable — balls inside the 10. The INT that bounced off Lutz’s hands wasn’t pinpoint accurate, but could’ve (should’ve?) been caught. And yes, the wind knocked down the deep pass to Dotson, and he definitely got held, but the ball still dropped right through his hands. As spectacular as this group has performed during garbage time, the wide receivers don’t seem to make a lot of plays when the game is competitive– sans the last two drives of the Nebraska game.

• Best audible of the game goes to Matt Millen. Did you catch this? Oh man, our boy Matt came THHHIISSSSSS close to saying Rutgers QB Noah Vedral “runs like a girl” after he ran like a girl on Rutgers’  stupefying 4th and 6 QB draw late in the 4th Quarter. But like a true pro, Millen reeled back in all but the G in Girl and then said, “How should I say this?” Probably the best stop-start move of the entire day.  Millen concluded this Great Escape by saying, Vedral “is not a running…guy.”

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Editor’s Note: Each Week During the Football Season Stand-Up Comedian and Co-Host of the Punch Drunk Sports Podcast, Jayson Thibault, picks games against the flips of a John F. Kennedy Half-Dollar. 

The Contestants

Jayson Thibault  is a stand-up comedian and original member of the Punch Drunk Sports Podcast along with Ari Shaffir and Sam Tripoli.  We hoped to be promoting Teeb’s new comedy album, “Covidiot”, this week, but because of health precautions that scheduled recorded performance at The Market Lounge & Comedy Club  in Valparaiso, Indiana got pushed back two weeks. The show is sold out, so tough cookies, Brian! 

The JFK Half-Dollar Coin was first minted in 1964. This particular 50-cent piece were flipping has been in the cup holder of a 2015 Toyota Camry for some time and is a tad sticky. If it picks winners, we’re not going to wash it. If it doesn’t, we’re spending it.   

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From Pushee to Pusher in 7 Days, Penn State’s Defense Flipped the Physicality Script and Dictated Terms vs. the Khaki Crusader’s Wounded Group of Wolverines 

FTB CHARTING – BOX SCORE

Thank GAWD for those three bonehead offside penalties by the PSU defensive ends, or else we wouldn’t have much to whine about this week.  

Here’s a wild idea: Hold a Bake Sale and buy a football on a stick, guys. Problem solved. 

(Googles picture of a football on a stick). 

(Finds one. Clicks link…eyes bulge out of head at price of football stick. 70 DOLLARS!?!?!)

(Quits writing about 1-win football teams forever…wholesale orders broomsticks and rubber VOIT P.E.-class footballs…buys a ‘BUILDING AN EMPIRE’ mug on Etsy.)

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Forget the Fireworks. Fundamentals and Simplification of a New Offense That’s Probably a Full Off-Season Away from Complete Functionality Got the Job Done vs. Sheep in Wolverines’ Clothing. 

FTB CHARTING – BOX SCORE

If coffee truly is for closers, then no one should be better caffeinated than Penn State’s offense.

For a program that (justly) received a ton of crap for not slamming the door on opponents late, I feel not enough is being made of Penn State’s 5:38-minute tractor-pull downfield to ice things inside an empty Big House. 

Seven runs. 

Three Knees.

Two 3rd and 2 conversions. 

All against a defense that KNEW what was coming, but still couldn’t stop it.

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Introduction

This feels different. Today we don’t write with a feeling of dread but rather mild contentment. I’m still not sure that the Penn State football team is “good” but maybe, at least, they’re recovering from the disaster that was the first five weeks of the season and beginning to figure things out.  

Basic Statistics – Summary

Finally, we can turn the first row green for the Lions who won the most important category of any game – the score. Not only that, but they pretty much dominated the rest of the contest too, racking up 131 more yards, controlling the ball for more than 36 minutes, and not turning the ball over (not even once!). Even the one category that the Wolverines won – rush yards per attempt – is misleading because Penn State still had 80 more total rushing yards.

Look, it wasn’t pretty and there’s still A LOT to be desired, especially in the passing game, but this was an objectively better performance than what we all witnessed in the first five weeks. There was a feeling of competence and decisiveness to the offense. There seemed to be variety in the playcalling. The defense, while still not being able to contain an outside running game, appeared to generally be more aggressive than in weeks gone-by. I want to believe that this is something a team can build upon. There’s an adage in the market: “Stocks take the staircase up and the elevator down, If you consider the 2019 Cotton Bowl as peak Penn State football, the program took a broken, freefalling elevator down through the first five games of 2020. Maybe this is the first stair-step back up towards that peak we used to know, and perhaps took for granted.

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Full disclosure: After (rightly, and easily) taking Penn State to task in each of the previous five columns for many things, most of them relating to simply bad, bad football, I came into Saturday planning to use this space to highlight some of the positives for the Nittany Lions as it pertained to both this week’s game and, more importantly, to the future. I had planned to start (and likely finish) with some of the team’s younger players.

The kids made that easy to do.

Yes, Penn State got some important plays from its few remaining veterans during its takedown of hated Michigan — some big third-down grabs from Jahan Dotson, a big fourth-down stop by Ellis Brooks (and, asinine rules be damned, an outstanding heads-up play to help deliver what should have been a game-ending sack and fumble recovery from Shaka Toney) and, all credit where it’s due, a steady, mistake-free game from Sean Clifford, who had been neither of those things since 2019.

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FTB’s Rapid Reaction/Stream of Consciousness Following Penn State’s First Win in The Big House Since 2009.

• Permit us one snarky comment before shelving the cynicism and giving Penn State credit…Thank God Google AdSense is paying us fractions of a penny to watch these two teams play, because no one should be subjected to that display of timid, conservative football for free…OK, now that that’s out of our system, let’s get on with it.

• Winning is the ultimate deodorant. And winning against THAT team and THOSE uniforms – as grind-it-out, leather-helmet as it was – smells super freaking sweet. Yeah, Michigan might be a mess, and a lot of their 2020 issues (opt outs, stacks of injuries) mirror ours, but it’s still a win against an iconic program in an iconic, library-loud setting. So don’t discount the W. Even with all the Wolverines’ attrition, that’s still the second-best collection of roster talent Penn State faced this season.

• So, Penn State has to runback Friday night isolation and virtual meetings next week in New Jersey, right? Can’t mess with a streak. Social distancing Heat Check! 

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