Editor’s Note: Each Week During the Football Season Stand-Up Comedian and Co-Host of the Punch Drunk Sports Podcast, Jayson Thibault, picks games against the flips of a John F. Kennedy Half-Dollar. 

The Contestants

Jayson Thibault is a stand-up comedian and original member of the Punch Drunk Sports Podcast along with Ari Shaffir and Sam Tripoli. The new podcast episode won’t launch until next Tuesday because Teeb will be recording his new comedy album, “Covidiot”, tonight at The Market Lounge & Comedy Club in Valparaiso, Indiana. The show was sold out, but a few extra seats were made available earlier this week, so go to the club’s site for details.  

The JFK Half-Dollar Coin was first minted in 1964. This particular 50-cent piece we’re flipping has been in the cup holder of a 2015 Toyota Camry for some time and is a tad sticky. If it picks winners, we’re not going to wash it. If it doesn’t, we’re spending it.   

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Sure Took Long Enough, But That’s Now Back-to-Back Weeks Penn State’s Defense Played Penn State Defense 

FTB CHARTING – BOX SCORE

Spare us your “It’s only Rutgers” takes.  

Yes, it was only Rutgers.  And “Only Rutgers” entered Saturday averaging 30.8 points per game. “Only Rutgers” posted 27 vs. Ohio State (more than Penn State), 35 in regulation vs. Michigan (more than Penn State), and just lit up pre-COVID Purdue for 37 points and 400+ total yards seven days earlier.  

Through seven games “Only Penn State” has completely shutdown “Only Rutgers” – so let’s not flippantly dismiss the domination Nittany Lions defenders displayed in New Jersey, OK?  As you’ll read/see, the defense played really well this week…so let’s stick the negativity next to your novelty elf until we have something fresh to fuss about.  

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This Being the Holiday Season, Penn State’s Offense – Specifically the Big Eaters Up Front – Extended Maul Hours vs. Rutgers on Saturday, Literally Pushing Its Way to Another More-Spit-Than-Polish Victory.  

FTB CHARTING – BOX SCORE

Welcome to the Wonderful World of Big Ten Weather. 

Of all the shortsighted moves the Big Ten made back in Sept. when it decided to reboot the football season, the decision to play 3 games in December (all but one occurring outdoors) escaped a lot of criticism, but shouldn’t get a free pass. 

I’m not a meteorologist, but I lived in Big Ten country long enough to know December in places like Michigan, Minnesota, Iowa, Indiana, Ohio and Pennsylvania isn’t like those picturesque Budweiser Clydesdale ads. No, it’s cold, wet, gray, muddy, windy, more gray, and downright miserable – like what I’d imagine a Milwaukee’s Best beer commercial would be, if they ever decided to advertise on TV. 

So as we examine Penn State’s offense this week and the next two weeks, God willing, keep these gross conditions in mind when complaining about the Nittany Lions unevolved Neanderball offense. 

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Introduction

Penn State has 2 wins in 2 weeks; that’s a streak – and a positive one at that. Not only is it two games without pain, but Penn State’s 23 – 7 win against Rutgers was the 900th win in program history. PSU joins Michigan, Ohio State, Alabama, Texas, Yale, Notre Dame, Oklahoma, and Nebraska as the only teams to eclipse the 900 mark. Congratulations to every player, coach, and staff member who’s contributed to even one of those 900 wins – it’s further proof (for those who may have forgotten) that Penn State really is in the upper echelon of college football.

Today, we will focus on this week’s game, season and what’s going well, what still needs improvement, and take a brief look back at the 134 seasons that have cumulated in 900 wins.

Basic Statistics Summary – Rutgers

Another week, another green fill for the Lions in the stat column that matters most – points. Looking beyond the score, PSU thoroughly dominated every major facet of the game. Domination is a relative term, though. Inherently it assumes something about the performance of the faction that is being dominated. And in this case, that opposing faction – i.e. Rutgers Football – isn’t very good. So while Penn State outgained Rutgers by nearly 2-to-1, outrushed them by 3-to-1, and controlled the ball for 13 more minutes, it feels as though Penn State still has a long way to go to if it intends to contend for conference and/or national titles in the near future. 

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Sometimes, the bottom line has to be enough.

On several occasions on Saturday in wind-swept Piscataway, Penn State looked like a team that finally had all four wheels on the ground, and on others looked like the team that kept veering into traffic during the first five weeks of the season. But when the fourth quarter read all zeroes, the Nittany Lions had another win, by the score of 23-7, and exactly how convincing you believe that was or precisely what it means for the bigger picture is up to you.

Because, really, that’s what it’s about at this point in a lost season, right? What you see on the field is not really about the present any longer but what the future means for Penn State. And while maybe the margin wasn’t what some observers wanted it to be or thought it should be, there were enough positive signs in this one that bode well for the future.

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FTB’s Rapid Reaction/Stream of Consciousness Following the 900th Win in Penn State History 

• Know how I know life is slowly, SLOWLY getting back to normal? Penn State won, yet I – and I’m gonna guess a lot of you reading this – am/are ticked off. While it warmed the cockles of my heart to watch Penn State play “Neanderball” the entire 4th Quarter , it didn’t completely cover up the annoying reality that we all had to pay full attention to a Penn State-Rutgers game in the 4th Quarter.

• In defense of Sean Clifford, these receivers need to help the dude out a little bit.  Parker Washington dropped two catchable – not perfect, but catchable — balls inside the 10. The INT that bounced off Lutz’s hands wasn’t pinpoint accurate, but could’ve (should’ve?) been caught. And yes, the wind knocked down the deep pass to Dotson, and he definitely got held, but the ball still dropped right through his hands. As spectacular as this group has performed during garbage time, the wide receivers don’t seem to make a lot of plays when the game is competitive– sans the last two drives of the Nebraska game.

• Best audible of the game goes to Matt Millen. Did you catch this? Oh man, our boy Matt came THHHIISSSSSS close to saying Rutgers QB Noah Vedral “runs like a girl” after he ran like a girl on Rutgers’  stupefying 4th and 6 QB draw late in the 4th Quarter. But like a true pro, Millen reeled back in all but the G in Girl and then said, “How should I say this?” Probably the best stop-start move of the entire day.  Millen concluded this Great Escape by saying, Vedral “is not a running…guy.”

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Editor’s Note: Each Week During the Football Season Stand-Up Comedian and Co-Host of the Punch Drunk Sports Podcast, Jayson Thibault, picks games against the flips of a John F. Kennedy Half-Dollar. 

The Contestants

Jayson Thibault  is a stand-up comedian and original member of the Punch Drunk Sports Podcast along with Ari Shaffir and Sam Tripoli.  We hoped to be promoting Teeb’s new comedy album, “Covidiot”, this week, but because of health precautions that scheduled recorded performance at The Market Lounge & Comedy Club  in Valparaiso, Indiana got pushed back two weeks. The show is sold out, so tough cookies, Brian! 

The JFK Half-Dollar Coin was first minted in 1964. This particular 50-cent piece were flipping has been in the cup holder of a 2015 Toyota Camry for some time and is a tad sticky. If it picks winners, we’re not going to wash it. If it doesn’t, we’re spending it.   

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From Pushee to Pusher in 7 Days, Penn State’s Defense Flipped the Physicality Script and Dictated Terms vs. the Khaki Crusader’s Wounded Group of Wolverines 

FTB CHARTING – BOX SCORE

Thank GAWD for those three bonehead offside penalties by the PSU defensive ends, or else we wouldn’t have much to whine about this week.  

Here’s a wild idea: Hold a Bake Sale and buy a football on a stick, guys. Problem solved. 

(Googles picture of a football on a stick). 

(Finds one. Clicks link…eyes bulge out of head at price of football stick. 70 DOLLARS!?!?!)

(Quits writing about 1-win football teams forever…wholesale orders broomsticks and rubber VOIT P.E.-class footballs…buys a ‘BUILDING AN EMPIRE’ mug on Etsy.)

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