Alabama played Florida for the SEC championship on Saturday night. Earlier, Ohio State battled Northwestern for the Big Ten crown and Clemson faced Notre Dame for the ACC title.

Penn State also played Saturday, but the Nittany Lions’ “Champions Week” matchup against a severely undermanned Illinois team was ironic, to say the least.

In one sense, the afternoon was a reminder of what went wrong for the Nittany Lions in this whirlwind season – a team that had entered 2020 with a lot of stars and a lot of promise finishing its season against another five-loss team in a game that, unlike the other three mentioned above, had no playoff implications but had the (checks notes) Duke’s Mayo Bowl Twitter account humming.

In another sense, it was a great opportunity to assess just how far away Penn State might be from playing on this particular Saturday, in a meaningful way, a year from now.

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FTB’s Rapid Reaction/Stream of Consciousness Following Penn State’s Snow-Covered Stomping of Illinois 

• Champions Week Champions, baby! Print the shirts!

• I’ll gladly die alone on my “Jahan Dotson needs to stay” hill if necessary, dang it.  What’s the rush? Why leave an advantageous situation (returning QB, returning OC) to become a 3rd or 4th Round NFL Draft pick and find yourself locked in a terrible (comparatively) less-than-a-million-dollars-a-year contract for 4 seasons?  Oh, but what if he gets hurt?  You know what…what if Chris Godwin (heaven forbid) gets hurt tomorrow? Godwin (who was better than Dotson at the same stage of college) left early to be a 3rd Round draft pick and has emerged as a Top 10-15 NFL receiver. Guess how much money he’s made? $3.2 million. Guess how much of that contract was guaranteed? $792,164. If Dotson builds off what he did in 2020, I don’t think it’s inconceivable No. 5 sneaks in the end of the 1st Round. For the sake of argument, let’s say he’s got an opportunity to be the final pick of the 1st Round. In 2020, that draft slot paid $10.9 million — $8 million guaranteed.

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Editor’s Note: Each Week During the Football Season Stand-Up Comedian and Co-Host of the Punch Drunk Sports Podcast, Jayson Thibault, picks games against the flips of a John F. Kennedy Half-Dollar. 

The Contestants

Jayson Thibault is a stand-up comedian and original member of the Punch Drunk Sports Podcast along with Ari Shaffir and Sam Tripoli.

The JFK Half-Dollar Coin was first minted in 1964. This particular 50-cent piece we’re flipping has been in the cup holder of a 2015 Toyota Camry for some time and is a tad sticky. If it picks winners, we’re not going to wash it. If it doesn’t, we’re spending it.   

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Not Wanting to be Upstaged by an Unexpected First-Half Sparty Party, Penn State OC Kirk Ciarrocca Finally Reached to the Top Shelf and Broke Out the “Good Stuff” in the Final 30 Minutes. 

FTB CHARTING – BOX SCORE

Thanks, Payton.

Who the heck is Payton, you ask?

Oh, that’s Payton Thorne, true freshman QB at Michigan State…you know the guy with cartoon stickers on the sides of his helmet – and probably his school Trapper Keeper — who lit up Penn State like a menorah in the first half. 202 passing yards. 12 consecutive completions. 3 passing TDs. Yeah, THAT Payton. That’s the guy. Thank him. 

Because without Payton’s performance, it’s likely we don’t get a glimpse of anything beyond the DEMO version of Kirk Ciarrocca’s playbook. Trailing 21-10 entering the 3rd Quarter, Penn State had no choice but to order plays off-menu, diverting away from the Soylent Slants, Inside Runs, and QB Keepers that paper-cutted Michigan, Rutgers, and most of our attention spans into submission.

In a brief but beautiful moment – like a comet racing across the night sky, or putting on your winter coat for the first time since March and finding $20 in the pocket – Penn State flung the ball all over the empty Beav. In the third quarter, 13 of 18 plays (14 of 19 if you count the 2-point attempt) were passes that amassed 129 yards – 37 more than the Nits tallied the entire first half. 

And then, POOF…like cotton candy on your tongue, it was gone. 

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Introduction

During the 2nd quarter and halftime of the game against Michigan State on Saturday how many of you (us) thought that the last two weeks, where both Penn State’s offense and defense looked competent, were flukes? Who thought that the Lions, who managed wins against terrible Michigan and Rutgers teams, were now being exposed against a terrible 2-win Spartans team, and were destined to finish 2-6 themselves and with the fewest wins in the division? 

I sure did.

 I mean, the Good Guys were down 21-10 at the half and made Payton Thorne look like vintage Peyton Manning as he carved up our secondary. But then the 2nd half came, and the defense looked more like the unit we’ve seen over the past couple of weeks and by the end, Penn Sate was literally doing backflips on the field. 

If it’s possible for a 3-5 team to possess momentum, Penn State seems to have harnessed it heading into Big Ten “Champions” Week – a.k.a., “Hey Fox, Here’s Some TV Content So You Don’t Have to Run a Masked Singer Marathon” Week. 

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James Franklin calls them “splash plays,” the tide-turning, highlight-reel plays that typically eat up big chunks of yardage and lead directly to points. Coming into Saturday’s game against Michigan State, Franklin’s Nittany Lions had been left, for the purposes of this analogy, all too dry all too often this fall.

Many of Penn State’s offensive woes stemmed from not being able to convert red-zone chances, but the Nittany Lions weren’t exactly piling up the touchdowns from outside the 20, either; through the first seven games, they had scored 12 touchdowns in the red zone and nine from outside of it. 

It was a combination of factors – Sean Clifford’s accuracy issues and spotty pass protection made it tough to connect on routes downfield. Young running backs and defenses packing the box made it tough to spring long runs. And, more recently, the offense’s shift to a grind-it-out-and-control-the-clock-and-move-the-chains-with-quarterback-runs approach that, while taking the pressure off Clifford, reducing the chance for turnovers and arguably giving the team the best chance to win, did not seem to be the best approach for producing splash plays, either.

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FTB’s Rapid Reaction/Stream of Consciousness Following Penn State’s Final Home Game of the Season…Maybe. 

• This better have been Senior Day for the Cardboard Cutouts, too. #107kStrong next September. Make it happen, Pfizer.  Stick that goo right in my arm, doc.

• Kinda glad Penn State trailed by double digits at halftime so that James Franklin/Kirk Ciarrocca had no choice but let the offense bowl without the bumpers during the 3rd quarter and competitive moments of the 4th quarter. (We’ve used water wings and training wheels before, so bowling bumpers is all we got left). On this unseasonably pleasant day — the opposite of last week’s Rutgers weather — it was maddening to watch Penn State play restrictor-plate football in the first half.

• Credit where credit is due: Penn State is 1 of 3 Big Ten to play a full 8-game schedule. In our post-Maryland DISPENSING, we hinted the Nittany Lions’ disappointing 0-3 start could be the catalyst for game cancellations. But that didn’t happen. Shows maturity. So kudos to the players, coaches and staff who gave us 8 Saturday distractions from reality.

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Editor’s Note: Each Week During the Football Season Stand-Up Comedian and Co-Host of the Punch Drunk Sports Podcast, Jayson Thibault, picks games against the flips of a John F. Kennedy Half-Dollar. 

The Contestants

Jayson Thibault is a stand-up comedian and original member of the Punch Drunk Sports Podcast along with Ari Shaffir and Sam Tripoli. The new podcast episode won’t launch until next Tuesday because Teeb will be recording his new comedy album, “Covidiot”, tonight at The Market Lounge & Comedy Club in Valparaiso, Indiana. The show was sold out, but a few extra seats were made available earlier this week, so go to the club’s site for details.  

The JFK Half-Dollar Coin was first minted in 1964. This particular 50-cent piece we’re flipping has been in the cup holder of a 2015 Toyota Camry for some time and is a tad sticky. If it picks winners, we’re not going to wash it. If it doesn’t, we’re spending it.   

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Sure Took Long Enough, But That’s Now Back-to-Back Weeks Penn State’s Defense Played Penn State Defense 

FTB CHARTING – BOX SCORE

Spare us your “It’s only Rutgers” takes.  

Yes, it was only Rutgers.  And “Only Rutgers” entered Saturday averaging 30.8 points per game. “Only Rutgers” posted 27 vs. Ohio State (more than Penn State), 35 in regulation vs. Michigan (more than Penn State), and just lit up pre-COVID Purdue for 37 points and 400+ total yards seven days earlier.  

Through seven games “Only Penn State” has completely shutdown “Only Rutgers” – so let’s not flippantly dismiss the domination Nittany Lions defenders displayed in New Jersey, OK?  As you’ll read/see, the defense played really well this week…so let’s stick the negativity next to your novelty elf until we have something fresh to fuss about.  

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