Sigh, When Scouting 93 Plays Feels Like Being Tortured for 93 Days…Here’s A Second Look at the Nittany Lions’ Clawless Attack vs. Maryland For All You Masochists Out There.   

FTB CHARTING – BOX SCORE 

We’ll take ‘Trash Heaps’ for $1,000, Alex.

Predicted to vie for a conference and national championship before the season, this unit’s ‘offensive’ display through three weeks has fans googling where the hell the Guaranteed Rate Bowl is played.

What is The Penn State Offense?

There. There’s our touching Alex Trebek tribute. For a Canadian, he seemed like an OK dude, I guess. Here’s hoping he’s in a better place, where parting gifts like Rice-A-Roni and Turtle Wax flow like Niagara.  

Now, let’s hold our nose and dive face-first into this Turd Sandwich.  

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That was a disaster and the chaos is likely to continue.

Introduction

Welcome to our new weekly feature on fortheblogy.com where we’ll look at a mixture of common and advanced stats for the team’s most recent “performance” in the context of the entire James Franklin tenure and try, as frightening as it might be, to predict where this team is headed. There are other writers on the site who will continue breaking down the schematic elements of the team and I will focus on results through a mix of math and cool (hopefully) data visualizations – this is the ABC’s of Penn State Football. Enjoy!

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Parker Washington had just caught his second touchdown pass of the game and his third of his three-game career, and yet, as he stood waiting for the two-point conversion play to come in, had his hands on his hips. A teammate gave him a half-hearted congratulatory pat, and the promising freshman receiver just stared straight ahead, continuing to wait.

There were still 16 points that separated Penn State and Maryland and 11 seconds left in the game. Washington knew, as did his teammates, and the Terrapins, and anyone who subjected themselves to as incredulous and embarrassing a football game the Nittany Lions had played in roughly two decades, that the game had been over for quite some time.

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FTB’s Rapid Reaction/Stream of Consciousness After Maryland Gave Penn State a Swirly and Took the Nittany Lions’ Lunch Money.

• To us, it’s not “Prisoner of the Moment” to at least wonder whether this is the worst loss in Penn State football history. We’re not necessarily saying it is, but it’s not a ridiculous question to ask, either. Off the top of our head, Toledo 2000 came to mind….but that Toledo team (which finished 10-1) is probably better than this Maryland team. What other loss would rival this one?

• In our post-Indiana DISPENSING THOUGHTS, we wrote: “A mature team absorbs this and gets better…not sure this is a mature team, though.” Looks like our hunch was spot on.

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Editor’s Note: Each Week During the Football Season Stand-Up Comedian and Co-Host of the Punch Drunk Sports Podcast, Jayson Thibault, picks games against the flips of a John F. Kennedy Half-Dollar. 

The Contestants

Jayson Thibault is a stand-up comedian and original member of the Punch Drunk Sports Podcast along with Air Shaffir and Sam Tripoli.  On Nov. 27, Thibault will be recording his new comedy album, “Covidiot” during his performance at The Market Lounge & Comedy Club in Valparaiso, Indiana.  FTB is without question THE No. 1 Penn State football site in Northwest Indiana, so far all our readers in the area (Brian) be sure to check him out! 

The JFK Half-Dollar Coin was first minted in 1964. This particular 50-cent piece we’re flipping has been in the cup holder of a 2015 Toyota Camry for some time and is a tad sticky. If it picks winners, we’re not going to wash it. If it doesn’t, we’re spending it.   

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Everyone has a Plan Until They Get Punched in the Mouth. Well, for Brent Pry and the Penn State Defense That Punch Landed on Play One and Kept the Nittany Lions Off-Balance All Night Long.

FTB CHARTING – BOX SCORE

First, a little perspective. 

The sky isn’t falling. The Penn State defense we all saw Week 1 wasn’t a mirage. This is still an above-average unit littered with NFL talent and very well could be the best defense of the James Franklin Era by December…assuming we get to December.

But, man, Justin Fields is so damn good. No, not good…he’s great. The GREATEST quarterback in Ohio State history. Anyone who argues otherwise just wants to be a contrarian jerk. 

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Winless After Two Weeks, Penn State’s Offense Can’t Play Out the Season for Pride Alone…They Need to Play Out the Season with Notable and Exponential Progression. 

FTB CHARTING – BOX SCORE

Not trying to get all Tony Robbins on you – frankly, I don’t have the enthusiasm or enormous teeth to pull off such phony positivity – but let’s start this week’s scout by taking a sip from a glass that’s half-full, not half-empty:

Maybe, just maaaaybe, 2020 Kirk Ciarrocca and 2016 Joe Moorhead are traveling the New System/New Coordinator Learning Curve at the exact same rate.

Because once each of their tenures hit the 90-minute mark, both guys’ offenses turned a major corner.

Hear me out.   

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The longest throws of the night for both quarterbacks told the story.

Justin Fields’ longest toss came after a pump fake to hold the safety, and was a dime that traveled 50 yards from his hand to the waiting fingertips of Chris Olave, who had a step, maybe a step and a half, on Marquis Wilson. That fake held the safety just long enough to prevent him from getting over in time, and Ohio State had a 49-yard touchdown.

Sean Clifford’s longest throw of the evening was a deep post to Parker Washington, who had found himself behind an Ohio State secondary that left more than a few Penn State receivers open on Saturday evening. Clifford, under duress for the vast majority of his passes, had some time to get rid of this pass. It sailed several yards long.

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