Comedian vs. The Coin: Big Ten Week 1

Editor’s Note: Each Week During the Football Season Stand-Up Comedian and Co-Host of the Punch Drunk Sports Podcast, Jayson Thibault, picks games against the flips of a John F. Kennedy Half-Dollar. 

The Contestants

Jayson Thibault is a stand-up comedian and original member of the Punch Drunk Sports Podcast along with Air Shaffir and Sam Tripoli.  On Nov. 27, Thibault will be recording his new comedy album, “Covidiot” during his performance at The Market Lounge & Comedy Club in Valparaiso, Indiana.  FTB is without question THE No. 1 Penn State football site in Northwest Indiana, so far all our readers in the area (Brian) be sure to check him out! 

The JFK Half-Dollar Coin was first minted in 1964. This particular 50-cent piece were flipping has been in the cup holder of a 2015 Toyota Camry for some time and is a tad sticky. If it picks winners, we’re not going to wash it. If it doesn’t, we’re spending it.  

The Format

Thibault picks 10 games against the spread. The JFK Coin picks 10 games against the spread via flip (Heads = Favorite. Tails = Underdog.) Simple.

STANDINGS

TEEBS’ FREE MONEY WINNERS

DETROIT LIONS (+2.5) over Atlanta Falcons

I’m always betting against the Falcons for the rest of the year as I stated in last week’s article. Actually, I think the Falcons SHOULD win this game. But then again, they can’t stop the run. Or pass. Or the trade rumors. Or the hate mail. So hold your nose and take the points…and the cash.   

PENN STATE (-6.5) over Indiana

I’m picking this for two easy reasons. One, if I don’t pick the Nittany Lions I’ll probably lose this VERY lucrative gig. And two, I got chased by police dogs at Indiana University at Varsity Village apartments in 1995. F*** that place. JFK COIN INTERJECTION: Guess Indiana’s lack of team speed extends beyond the football field. Happy Valley 4- and 5-star dogs would have torn you up. Also, 1995? Did you shoplift a Smashing Pumpkins CD from Sam Goody or something? 

ALABAMA (-21) over William Hill

I’m not sure who this William Hill fella is…but he’s gonna get beat by more than three touchdowns. I’m banking on it. 

Rest of Teebs’ Selections:

BILLS (-12) over Jets

STEELERS (+1.5) over Titans

COWBOYS (+1) over Washington

CARDINALS (+3.5) over Seahawks

KANSAS STATE (-20) over Kansas

OHIO STATE (-26) over Nebraska

SYRACUSE (+44.5) over Clemson

JFK COIN’S TOP FLIPS 

LIBERTY (-12.5) over Southern Miss  

The word “LIBERTY” is etched on the heads-side of me, so picking the Flames feels like a real no-brainer…err, I mean, easy pick. Also, after googling head coach Hugh Freeze it seems he and I would have a good time together. 

ATLANTA FALCONS (-2.5) over Detroit Lions 

Couple years ago, I suffered through the misfortune of spending an entire game week inside the pocket of Matt Patricia’s wearable garbage bag-looking poncho thing. Place was dark and gross. Nothing but crumpled Laffy Taffy wrappers, the scent of smugness, and a months-old Arby’s receipt. Only time in my life I was jealous of a pencil.  

MINNESOTA (+3) over Michigan 

In 1960, I gave a speech in Ann Arbor on the steps of the Michigan Union surrounded by 10,000 students. After surveying the crowd, I realized Michigan is a great institution to attend, a place where you can focus solely on your studies without the distractions of fun or pleasant-looking people.  

Rest of JFK Coin’s selections:

NOTRE DAME (-10) over Pitt

RUTGERS (+13.5) over Michigan State

LOUISVILLE (-5) over Florida State

TITANS (-1.5) over Steelers

TEXANS (+3.5) over Packers

CARDINALS (+3.5) over Seahawks

RAMS (-6) over Bears (Monday)

BONUS: Teebs’ Pandemic Parlay of the Week

Atlanta Falcons ML over New England Patriots (Super Bowl 51)

Conor McGregor  (+550) over Floyd Mayweather

Take the scorching hot Falcons, and if they get a lead rest easy…they’re as dependable as the help you can hire for $100 hanging outside Arthur Blank’s stores. As for the fight, I’m taking Conor McGregor to beat the old and rusty Floyd “Money” Mayweather. Zero chance this fight doesn’t go the distance.