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• 92.3% sure I used this topper before…but whatever. It fits: As Chumbawamba once pontificated, these Nittany Lions got knocked down, but they got up again for the second time this season, further distancing themselves from the rolling snowball of suck that was the second half of last year. With “nothing to play for” in front of a scattered, gap-riddled, British-smile of a crowd the Nittany Lions tub-thumped Indiana as if there were still pollsters to impress. The haters won’t like this, but kudos to James Franklin and the rest of the staff for erasing at least one of many troubling narratives attached to his 9-year tenure…well, for now, anyway.

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Introduction

As weird as it sounds, Saturday’s battle between Penn State and Ohio State simultaneously showed the Nittany Lions have the talent to complete with anyone in the Big Ten AND reminded us how far away they are from truly being “elite.” And yeah, the whole elite thing is a played out cliché at this point, but it still applies here. Sorry James, you made this bed, not us.

Despite entering as 2-touchdown underdogs in the desert, many pundits felt Penn State matched up better against the Buckeyes than they did against Michigan two weeks prior. Through 51-ish minutes on Saturday, this was proven true as the Nittany Lions grabbed a 21-16 late lead on a gutsy 4^th down TD run by Kaytron Allen. Then things changed. The Ohio State offense that had been relatively rudderless through three and half quarters scored 21 points on 175 yards in about three and a half minutes of possession. The Ohio State defense generated, with great plays, two more turnovers to bring their total to four. And the Penn State fan base left the game frustrated and confused about how things can change so quickly.

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The problem with fighting the champ, the heaviest-hitting of the heavyweights, is that you’re forever one punch away from disaster.

You could be ahead on points, you could have cut him, you could be executing your strategy to perfection, and you could be frustrating him, even as the later rounds tick by and the swell of the crowd grows around you.

But if he lands just one big swing, the whole fight changes.

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• Tweet Of The™ Game goes to Senior Editor of The™ Athletic (and apparent State College resident), Matt Brown, @MattBrownCFB: “Penn State Took The™ Lead With 9:26 Left And Is Losing By Multiple Possessions With 8:17 Left.” Unreal turn of events. Those not-niiiiice 69 seconds felt like suddenly awaking from the™ most beautiful dream only to find your house on fire, your wife banging the™ gardener, a telemarketer blowing up your phone, all while you try to flex/rub out a charley horse in your right calf.

• Upset of the™ Day: Absolutely NO qualms with James Franklin’s pre-game approach or in-game decisions. NONE. Unlike 2019, 2020 and 2021, when Franklin was content playing a superior Ohio State squad straight up…and in turn content to lose by a smidge more than a touchdown with no zero flirtation of pulling off the™ monumental upset, today Franklin rolled the™ dice, pushed the™ enveloped, colored outside the™ lines on occasion, and coached like a 15-point underdog. And, damn, it almost worked.

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Last 42 minutes of my life (I counted) are gone, wasted away, circling the drain of curiosity, incapable of escaping the Marianas Trench of Internet wormholes.

And who (or what) is to blame? Why it’s the title of this week’s tailgate recipes: Drunk & Blacked Out Shrimp.

I let out a faint chuckle when this creative culinary concoction arrived in my Inbox thanks to the good folks and Blue and White bleeders at the 409 Tailgate Club. It certainly paints a picture, doesn’t it? An inebriated shrimp, keeled over, his shrimp buddies stacking empty red solo cups on his head or taking a Sharpie to his little shrimp face…which got us wondering, ‘Do Shrimp drink? Heck, do shrimp even have mouths?’

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Introduction

If you haven’t heard, Penn State welcomes its toughest opponent of this year (and seemingly every year) as Ohio State visits Beaver Stadium for a Saturday Gusgasm-filled nooner. The leaf sticker wearers have brandished a lethal offense for close to a decade now. Normally, that potent attack has been complemented by a defense full of future multi-millionaires performing as a cohesive, stubborn unit. I say “normally” because 2020 and 2021 were certainly exceptions to the standard.

Enter Jim Knowles.

The bearded bastion of defense started his career as the DC at Duke from 2010-2017 before moving to OSU-Central (Oklahoma State) from 2018-2021. For various reasons, both of those posts come with a litany of challenges – Duke with its talent deficiencies and Okie State plays in the Big XII (nuf said). And yet, at both spots, Knowles somehow made it work. And though the 2022 season is far from complete, thus far, Knowles has taken Ohio State’s full cupboard of talent and orchestrated a substantial defensive turnaround…evidenced in the various basic and advanced stats we’re about to present.

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Introduction

Being a Penn State fan for the last couple of months has been more emotionally volatile than getting your salary in Bitcoin. After Purdue and Auburn, the team and fanbase was riding a high that cooled a bit after the Central Michigan game. Then we hit the doldrums of the Northwestern hurricane/turnover game where the horrid weather conditions served as the perfect “Yeah, but…” for the Nittany Lions’ lackluster play on the field. Then, Michigan happened…no further context necessary.

Before Saturday’s game against Minnesota both James Franklin and Sean Clifford apparently got booed during video-board pregame introductions. The groans grew louder when Penn State followed two straight 3-and-outs with an interception. Then, the rest of the game played out, and the vibes flipped 180 degrees. 45 points and 4 passing TDs later, the most dangerous four-letter word in the English language, HOPE, has returned to Happy Valley as we welcome Wendy’s spokesman Reggie Bush, Dublin, Ohio barfly Urban Meyer, and Big Ten bully Ohio State to town six days from now. It’s a rollercoaster, man.

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If last week’s game was a visit to the dental surgeon and next Saturday’s game a trip to the proctologist, Penn State’s Homecoming game against Minnesota was a metaphorical flu shot.

Some risk involved, if only a sore arm, but a picnic by comparison to the weeks surrounding it. And perhaps a chance to serve some benefit down the road.

Before one of the larger Beaver Stadium crowds in recent memory, the Nittany Lions broke open what had first appeared to be a close if not fantastically competitive game with an avalanche of second-half touchdowns. The end result meant nothing and it meant everything.

Allow me to elaborate.

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