Dispensing Thoughts & Opinions: Penn State vs. Maryland

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• Can’t speak for the 106,000 suckers who spent their hard-earned dollars for the privilege to don a garbage bag and sit upon a soggy slice of aluminum for 4 hours but, snug and warm inside the climate-controlled confines of this overpriced condo, that might have been the most enjoyable Penn State football-viewing experience we’ve had since….gosh, 2017? Help us out here: when’s the last time Penn State thoroughly annihilated a “decent” opponent from opening kickoff to final kneel down? Damn that was fun. As we said on Twitter: Other than the future gym teacher/pharma rep. throwing the football for the Nittany Lions, Penn State looked like the greatest team in the history of the sport during the 1^st half. The defensive front 7 had Tua Light seeing ghosts, the freshmen RBs ran with a point to prove, Jake Pinegar did his best Justin Tucker impression, and James Franklin had better-than-expected form on his push-ups. A+ effort, all around.

• IDK what dirt Sean Clifford has on James Franklin, but the fact that true freshman Drew Allar hasn’t taken a first-half snap all season – despite several game scripts (including this one) affording plenty of opportunities to do so — just boggles the mind. And it’s not like Clifford had a hand hotter than the surface of the sun today. Quite the opposite, in fact. A decent wet-ball hurler in the past, Clifford airmailed several open receivers, gave his pass-catchers zero chance to make a play on deep balls, and failed to spot wide-open second and third reads. In other words, he was Sean Clifford.

• Mark our words, several Group of 5 schools with head coaching vacancies are going to call and gauge Manny Diaz’s interest in leading their program over the next couple of weeks. Considering the boatload of young talent on the roster, and the fact Penn State can match/exceed any Sun Belt/AAC monetary offer, we doubt he leaves Happy Valley after this season. Sans 4.5 quarters, Diaz’s influence over a green defense that lost a ton of veterans and two Top 50 NFL picks has been Moorheadian…albeit without the fanfare of JoMo.

• When/if broadcaster Tim Brando passes away, for the sake of humanity, let’s pray his body gets donated to science because we swear this dude is aging backwards – like blazer-wearing Benjamin Button in the broadcast booth (say that 3 times fast). Earlier this week, we finally acquired TV footage of the 1989 BYU-Penn State Holiday Bowl for a future FTB THROWBACK installment. Brando called that game. And he looked 89 back then! And yet the Northwest Louisiana legend is somehow still ticking, dirty dancing with his color analyst during Wisconsin’s “Jump Around”, brazenly uttering Ji’Ayir Brown’s full nickname on air without fear of a slip up, and eagerly emptying the “Brando-Tillman Bucket” (which we assume is just full of cheap Scotch) during the 4^th quarter of today’s blowout. Impressive.

BRANDO UPDATE: There’s 10 minutes left in the 4^th Quarter. Brando is now talking about the time he ruptured his bladder as a teenager. We’re not making this up.

• Curtis Jacobs has been Wally Pipp’d at the WILL by Abdul Carter. The true freshman from Philly is far too special to split reps anymore. If Jacobs returns next season, he needs to be moved back to SAM, or what Diaz calls STRIKER, or what we call the PITBULL hybrid position as an homage to Diaz’s Miami roots. Even at 225 pounds, Jacobs is athletic enough to handle the rigors of PITBULL. Dale.

• Kinda funny that Nick Singleton got his groove back running out of an offensive formation – the T Formation – that’s even more prehistoric than the triple-option attack he thrived in during high school.

• How come Penn State’s punt returners catch every kick like they’re Willie Mays in the 1954 World Series? Originally thought it was just a Parker Washington thing, but Marquis Wilson also went over-the-shoulder when fielding the first punt of the 4^th Quarter. Try backing up a bit pre-snap, guys.

• It’ll be interesting tomorrow when we sober up and take a long, hard look back at this tape to determine what Maryland players Penn State should poach from the Transfer Portal this off-season.