Comedian vs. The Coin: Thanksgiving Edition

Editor’s Note: Each Week During the Football Season Stand-Up Comedian and Co-Host of the Punch Drunk Sports Podcast, Jayson Thibault, picks games against the flips of a John F. Kennedy Half-Dollar. 

The Contestants

Jayson Thibault is a stand-up comedian and original member of the Punch Drunk Sports Podcast  along with Ari Shaffir and Sam Tripoli.  On Nov. 27 –THIS FRIDAY! — Thibault will be recording his new comedy album, “Covidiot” during his performance at The Market Lounge & Comedy Club in Valparaiso, Indiana.  FTB is without question THE No. 1 Penn State football site in Northwest Indiana, so far all our readers in the area (Brian and Phil) be sure to check him out! 

The JFK Half-Dollar Coin was first minted in 1964. This particular 50-cent piece were flipping has been in the cup holder of a 2015 Toyota Camry for some time and is a tad sticky. If it picks winners, we’re not going to wash it. If it doesn’t, we’re spending it.   

The Format

Thibault picks 10 games (11 this week) against the spread. The JFK Coin picks 10 games against the spread via flip (Heads = Favorite. Tails = Underdog.) Simple.

STANDINGS

TEEBS’ FREE MONEY WINNERS

Four write-ups this week since COVID sent Dabo and the boys home early. If/when Florida State’s nickname get problematic, they should be renamed the DUCKS. 

FLORIDA (-24) over Kentucky

It’s the “YOUR STATE MAKES IT, OUR STATE DRINKS IT” Bowl. Actually, this game is sponsored by court-ordered community service. Still, Florida’s quarterback has swagger and I think they beat up on Kentucky.

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (-5.5) over Denver Broncos

I’m so sick of Taysom Hill. He looks like the kind of guy who still knows the ATM pin numbers of all his ex-girlfriends. Even so, the Broncos are garbage.

INDIANA (-14) over Maryland

Like I said, I’m done betting against Indiana. They haven’t done me wrong since I established that rule. And Maryland has the ugliest helmets. Even gay guys on molly at a rave look at those things and say, “That’s a bit much, honey.”

ATLANTA FACLONS (+3) over Las Vegas Raiders

I can’t quit you. 

Rest of Teebs’ Selections:

OHIO STATE  (-28) over Illinois

NOTRE DAME (-5) over North Carolina

CLEMSON (-26.5) over Pitt

CARDINALS (-2.5) over Patriots

DOLPHINS (-5.5) over Jets 

GIANTS (-5.5) over Bengals

CHIEFS (-3) over Buccaneers

JFK COIN’S TOP FLIPS 

UTAH STATE (+6.5) over New Mexico (Thursday)

As I famously said, “We choose to bet Mountain West football between winless teams not because it is easy, but because listening to Uncle Francis ramble on and on about the deal he got on Driveway Salt at ACE Hardware is hard.”  

HOUSTON TEXANS (-2.5) over Detroit Lions (Thursday)

Poll Question: Who sweats more? Richard Nixon during televised debates or Lions coach Matt Patricia putting on his socks in the morning?

MISSISSIPPI STATE (+9.5) over Ole Miss (Friday)

As a man who liked to swing his sword more than most, I have a soft spot in my non-beating heart for the pirate-loving lunch lady who coaches Mississippi State, Mike Leach. 

Rest of JFK Coin’s selections:

COLORADO (+11) over USC 

MICHIGAN STATE (+13.5) over Northwestern

MISSOURI (-12) over Vanderbilt  

BILLS (-5.5) over Chargers

RAMS (-6.5) over 49ers

PANTHERS (+3.5) over Vikings

BRONCOS (+5.5) over Saints

BONUS: Teebs’ Thanksgiving Global Pandemic Parlay of the Week

HOUSTON TEXANS  (-2.5) over Detroit Lions

DALLAS COWBOYS (-2.5) over Washington Football Team

PITTSBURGH STEELERS (-2.5) over Baltimore Ravens

Word just came in that you’ll have to wait an extra three days to cash this ticket. This truly is the worst of times. Happy Thanksgiving weekend, everyone. And as always, Consider It Sucked!