Comedian vs. The Coin: Big Ten Week 8

Editor’s Note: Each Week During the Football Season Stand-Up Comedian and Co-Host of the Punch Drunk Sports Podcast, Jayson Thibault, picks games against the flips of a John F. Kennedy Half-Dollar. 

The Contestants

Jayson Thibault is a stand-up comedian and original member of the Punch Drunk Sports Podcast along with Ari Shaffir and Sam Tripoli. The new podcast episode won’t launch until next Tuesday because Teeb will be recording his new comedy album, “Covidiot”, tonight at The Market Lounge & Comedy Club in Valparaiso, Indiana. The show was sold out, but a few extra seats were made available earlier this week, so go to the club’s site for details.  

The JFK Half-Dollar Coin was first minted in 1964. This particular 50-cent piece we’re flipping has been in the cup holder of a 2015 Toyota Camry for some time and is a tad sticky. If it picks winners, we’re not going to wash it. If it doesn’t, we’re spending it.   

The Format

Thibault picks 10 games against the spread. The JFK Coin picks 10 games against the spread via flip (Heads = Favorite. Tails = Underdog.) Simple.

STANDINGS

TEEBS’ FREE MONEY WINNERS

BUFFALO BILLS (+1) over Pittsburgh Steelers

Like a lot of things in Upstate New York this time of year, Josh Allen’s enthusiasm is infectious. The Steelers will be playing their 4th game in 18 days and it looks like Big Ben could use a breather…although, Big Ben looks like he could use a breather when he steps off an escalator, too.

ARKANSAS (+32) over Alabama 

Spreads this large make me happier than a pig in shit…which is apropos (apropos was the Oct. 27 page of my 2020 Word of the Day desk calendar…the other 365 (remember, Leap Year) are just synonyms for ‘Calamity’) considering this is Arkansas. The Woo Pigs have won us money in 9 of their last 11 SEC games. Remember good teams win, great teams cover. Take the Hogs. 

FLORIDA (-24) over LSU

A meteoric fall for the defending national champs. This game is too important for Florida, man. Time to pile up some style points on Bayou Grimace (that’s Coach O in a purple polo, for those not in the know). For LSU, this is just another Saturday to try and not get COVID. 

Rest of Teebs’ Selections:

U OF MIAMI (-3.5) over UNC

IOWA (+1.5) over Wisconsin

LOUISVILLE (-1.5) over Wake Forest

CARDINALS (-2.5) over Giants

PACKERS (-7.5) over Lions 

COLTS (-2.5) over Raiders

TITANS (-7.5) over Jaguars

JFK COIN’S TOP FLIPS 

NAVY (+7) over Army

If game organizers didn’t cancel this rivalry back in 1963, days after the CIA and Mafi…err, a lone lunatic gunman…ended my life, then a global disease that can’t even faze Tubs of Goo like Chris Christie never stood a chance. The Game Goes On! As a former Navy Lieutenant myself – you know, back in the days when rich kids still served in the military – the Midshipmen are the easy pick. 

MINNESOTA VIKINGS (+6.5) over Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Ask not what Kirk Cousins can do for you…ask what you can do for Kirk Cousins. No wait, I messed that up. Ask what Kirk Cousins can do for you! Kirk, could you lose by less than a touchdown? Cool, thanks.   

FLORIDA (-24) over LSU

Starting to wonder if the O in Coach O stands for Onassis…because Ed’s Tigers love to lie down and act lifeless when visitors enter “Death Valley.”   

Rest of JFK Coin’s selections:

PENN STATE (-14.5) over Michigan State 

UCLA (+3) over USC

OKLAHOMA STATE (-5) over Baylor  

MISSISSIPPI STATE (+6.5) over Auburn

LIONS (+7.5) over Packers

GIANTS (+2.5) over Cardinals

JETS (+13.5) over Seahawks

BONUS: Teebs’ Pandemic Pick of the Week

The two-millionth Army-Navy Game will be played Saturday. In attendance will be one Donald J. Trump. As one ‘Stop The Counter’ recently told me, “The J stands for Genius.” Moving on…If a mask or no mask Trump prop bet is out there, put your non-existent second stimulus check on NO MASK.

Finally, this our penultimate (I opened my 2021 Word of the Day desk calendar early, OK?) edition of COMEDIAN vs. THE COIN, so if you can still get odds on the coin winning this little experiment, TAKE THEM!  This whole 10-week journey has taught me two things…1. The average electricity bill for a big Las Vegas casino runs $400,000/month, and there’s a reason why they have ZERO problems cutting that check. 2. The John F. Kennedy Wikipedia page is pretty thorough. 

Good luck this week, and as always, consider it sucked.