Comedian vs. The Coin: Big Ten Week 7

Editor’s Note: Each Week During the Football Season Stand-Up Comedian and Co-Host of the Punch Drunk Sports Podcast, Jayson Thibault, picks games against the flips of a John F. Kennedy Half-Dollar. 

The Contestants

Jayson Thibault  is a stand-up comedian and original member of the Punch Drunk Sports Podcast along with Ari Shaffir and Sam Tripoli.  We hoped to be promoting Teeb’s new comedy album, “Covidiot”, this week, but because of health precautions that scheduled recorded performance at The Market Lounge & Comedy Club  in Valparaiso, Indiana got pushed back two weeks. The show is sold out, so tough cookies, Brian! 

The JFK Half-Dollar Coin was first minted in 1964. This particular 50-cent piece were flipping has been in the cup holder of a 2015 Toyota Camry for some time and is a tad sticky. If it picks winners, we’re not going to wash it. If it doesn’t, we’re spending it.   

The Format

Thibault picks 10 games against the spread. The JFK Coin picks 10 games against the spread via flip (Heads = Favorite. Tails = Underdog.) Simple.

STANDINGS

TEEBS’ FREE MONEY WINNERS

ATLANTA FALCONS (+3) over New Orleans Saints

These two teams met two weeks ago…but THOSE Falcons are not THESE Falcons. Plus, now there’s film on Taysom Hill that’s football related and not just police footage. I swear Taysom Hill looks like he drives a Trans Am with a 4-foot glass bong knocking around the backseat. 

LIBERTY (+7) over Coastal Carolina 

I’ve never bet on either team, and couldn’t find either team’s campus on a map. But picking a winner in this one is simple – I can’t stop saying, “Liberty Biberty.” Only pay for what you need. Liberty, Liberty, Liberty…Liiiberrty.   

UPDATE: Apparently, Liberty has COVID and can’t play. Only pay for what you need? How about y’all pay for some damn COVID tests, Falwell? Anyway, Coastal Carolina texted, “You up?” to BYU, and the desperate Cougars responded…as most desperate Cougars tend to do. 

The Cougars are ranked No. 13 in the CFP poll. The Chanticleers are ranked No. 18. I have no CLUE what a Chanticleer is or does, but I know I don’t care enough to pause this “Love After Lockup” marathon to find out. I’m taking BYU (-10). I know what a cougar is. I took one to prom in the 90s. 

DETROIT LIONS (+3) over Chicago Bears 

The whole “Just fired the coach and GM” trick as always seems to produce ONE victory, usually in the first week. Both these teams are terrible. I figure if the Lions’ players don’t know what the heck the soon-to-be fired Interim coach is gonna do on Sunday, then the Bears won’t know, either. 

Rest of Teebs’ Selections:

FLORIDA (-17.5) over Tennessee

IOWA (-13.5) over Illinois

NOTRE DAME (-33.5) over Syracuse

MICHIGAN STATE (+23.5) over Ohio State

PACKERS (-9) over Eagles 

CHIEFS (-14) over Broncos

DOLPHINS (-11.5) over Bengals

JFK COIN’S TOP FLIPS 

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (pk) over Los Angeles Chargers

I’m sure you’ve heard, but in case you’ve been living under a rock, I’m featured on the White House Historical Association’s 2020 Christmas Ornament. It’s a pose of me with my head down, annoyed, flummoxed and distraught – or as Bill Belichick calls it, “Feeling Joyous.”

COASTAL CAROLINA (+10) over BYU  

Wait, Teebs, you’re telling me they actually named a football after the big hanging sparkly crystal thing in the East Room? That’s the most Biberty choice I’ve ever heard of. 

WISCONSIN (-14) over Indiana

Richie Cunningham > John Cougar Mellencamp. Plus, Indiana busted its Penix, which hurts like a bitch. Trust me. 

Rest of JFK Coin’s selections:

LSU (+29.5) over Alabama 

OHIO STATE (-23.5) over Michigan State

MISSOURI (-2.5) over Arkansas  

LIONS (+3) over Bears

FALCONS (+3) over Saints

TITANS (-6) over Browns

TEXANS (+3.5) over Colts

BONUS: Teebs’ Pandemic Pick of the Week

This one’s a bit tricky. Get in a time machine. Fly back to last Friday. Call me and tell me not to buy the Roy Jones Jr.-Mike Tyson fight on Pay-Per-View. Just say, “Teeb, do you really want to pay $50 to watch rappers smoke three joints, Nate Robinson get knocked out by an Internet dork, and sit through two guys in their 50s beat on each other in a phone booth-sized ring?” Actually, you know what…never mind. I regret NOTHING! Good luck this week. Liberty Biberty to all! And to all…Consider It Sucked!