Checking In With Penn State’s September Opponents

WISCONSIN – Sept. 4, Camp Randall Stadium

Neanderball has a new (old) sheriff in Madtown.

After bequeathing play-calling responsibilities to offensive coordinator Joe Rudolph for seven forgettable games last year, sweatshirt enthusiast/Wisconsin head coach Paul Chryst told the media in February that he’s snatching those duties back so that he – and only he – can make those tough choices of whether to run left, run right, or run up the middle. 

In fairness to Rudolph, he was pretty much doomed to fail. 

COVID clobbered Wisconsin’s continuity throughout the abnormal 2020 season as an early-season outbreak canceled several games and left the Badgers scrambling to assemble a patchwork 2-deep during weeks they actually took the field.  That disjointed flow probably stunted QB Graham Mertz’s development in his first season as a starter…and if it didn’t, it’s a helluva excuse for his up-and-down performance.  Following a near-perfect debut vs. Illinois – 20-21, 248 yards, 5 TD – Mertz threw more interceptions than touchdowns the rest of the way and only completed above 60 percent of his passes in one of his six remaining starts. 

Up front, 4 of 5 starting slots on the offensive line are up for grabs, which would be worrisome if this was any other team besides Wisconsin. History hints they’ll be fine in the trenches. In fact, expect more in-game rotation/substitution along the offensive line compared to previous seasons because of the surplus of 4- and 5-star beefeaters on the Badgers roster. 

Playmaking receivers and – of all preposterous things — depth at running back (at Wisconsin?!?!?!) are the two glaring weaknesses on offense. Potential candidates to strengthen those soft spots haven’t emerged yet since Wisconsin is still a day away (March 30) from starting spring practice.

As it’s been since forever, Wisconsin’s linebackers will be the defense’s strength. Along the defensive line, the Badgers must find answers for departed defensive ends Garrett Rand and Isaiahh Loudermilk (All-Name Team given his college choice), and beyond the starters in the secondary, no one else has much playing experience.  

BALL STATE – Sept. 11, Beaver Stadium

Uh oh. 

In 2016, Penn State’s athletic department confidently spun the non-conference scheduling roulette wheel when it offered then-bottom feeder Ball State a couple of commas to come east and get clocked. Well, five years later, the ball (no pun intended) finally stopped bouncing and landed on green ZERO. 

Thanks to the NCAA’s COVID eligibility mulligan, 16 Ball State “super seniors”  –including three First-Team All-MAC selections — who should be renting out cars at Enterprise right now will be traveling to Beaver Stadium in a few months instead, all of them geared to make Penn State choke on this tough-to-swallow sandwich game.

The Cardinals, a hip/trendy ‘Way Too Early’ Top 25 pick, welcomed back 20 starters (yeah, freaking 20!) when spring practice began last week.  Sixth-year quarterback Drew Plitt was the lone MAC thrower to surpass 2,000 yards last season and should be primed for similar success in 2021 since his top two pass catchers – Justin Hall and Yo’Heinz Tyler (All-Name Team) – return.  Collectively, this is an unit capable of piling up points. 

On defense, Ball State ranked in the bottom half of MAC teams in yards allowed per game but countered by forcing a league-best 17 takeaways in just eight games. If Penn State’s 2021 offense remains as generous with the football as last season’s squad, it could be a recipe for disaster. 

 

AUBURN – Sept. 18, Beaver Stadium

If we had more time – and money for a graphics department – it would have been cool to Photoshop the faces of Penn State QB Sean Clifford and Auburn QB Bo Nix on the torsos of those finger-pointing Spider-Mans (men?) because these two embattled but unchallenged signal-callers are pretty much the same dude burdened with the same uneasy question entering spring ball:  Can a third-year starting QB, under the guidance of a new offensive coordinator, finally be fixed?

For Bryan Harsin – the somewhat surprising successor to Gus Malzahn – the answer better be yes or else the Boise native’s southern honeymoon will be short lived.

Despite his Disney movie-worthy debut vs. Oregon in 2019, Nix’s Happily Ever After has yet to be written as the Auburn legacy took a statistical step backwards in Year 2 under center…just like Clifford. Despite starting two less games in 2020, Nix threw more interceptions last year than the previous year…just like Clifford. Though blessed with above-average ability, Nix’s abundance of bad habits and erratic mechanics often makes him a liability when he’s asked to stay on-script and not improvise out of the pocket…just like Clifford. 

Unlike Clifford, though, Nix doesn’t have a familiar and productive stable of receivers to lean upon as he tries to figure out new offensive coordinator Mike Bobo’s system. Gone are juniors Seth Williams and human roadrunner Anthony Schwartz, along with senior Eli Stove. That trio caught 145 balls for 1,755 yards and 10 touchdowns in 2020. Handing the ball off to Tank Bigsby – 2nd Team All-SEC last season – will likely be Bobo’s Plan A early on. Week 1 and 2 rent-a-win’s Akron and Alabama State –coupled with an uninterrupted spring and fall practice schedule – does provide ample runway for the new offense to get off the ground before it heads north.    

Though flush with experience, Auburn’s offensive line is on its third position coach in three years and never really developed much cohesion/chemistry  since the Tigers shuffled starting lineups repeatedly in 2020 thanks to injuries, COVID positives and contact tracing. In January, a couple of Auburn beat guys projected Harvard transfer Eric Wilson as the Tigers 2021 starting center. Obviously, that’s not gonna happen. 

On defense, new coordinator Derek Mason (James Franklin’s successor at Vanderbilt) inherits a group with plenty of leftover talent despite a few off-season defections along the defensive line. Auburn’s linebacker troupe dots the depth chart with fast and physical starter-quality options while safety Smoke Munday (All-Name Team) and corner Roger McCreary captain the secondary.

VILLANOVA – Sept. 25, Beaver Stadium

Practice? We talkin’ bout practice?!?!

Well, no actually. We’re talking about games. 

Villanova, like all FCS football schools, finally pressed PLAY on its paused fall season a few weeks ago. On March 6, the Wildcats eked out a 16-13 victory at Stony Brook before dropping a tight one, 40-37, in overtime vs.  Rhode Island. Then, Villanova’s third CAA contest against New Hampshire was postponed due to COVID-19 protocols with no immediate decision to reschedule (we’re guessing it won’t be).  Assuming the Wildcats don’t win the conference title, their Shetland season will conclude April 17 – same date as Penn State’s Beaver Stadium Freshmen Mixer. 

Look, with no due respect, we got better things to do than pound out paragraphs about Villanova football. OK, that’s not true. We don’t have anything better to do…but we’re still not doing it. Sure, running back Justin Covington averages 8.9 yards per carry, but the only people who care about that stat already know it because they share Justin’s DNA. 

Like attending the retirement party of that jackhole you can’t stand in accounting, this game is a total In-and-Outer. Hang for a touchdown or two, hit the urinal trough, and head back to your tailgate before the mountains on your can un-blue.