FTB’s Rapid Reaction/Stream of Consciousness After Penn State Made History in the Worst Possible Way

• Penn State is 0-5 for the first time in the history of the football program, which began play in 1887. Here are some other things that happened in 1887:
  • Punxsutawney celebrates the first Groundhog Day.
  • Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show opens in London, England.
  • Construction of the Eiffel Tower begins in Paris, France.
  • Jim Thorpe is born.
  • Nikola Tesla begins experimenting with X-Rays.

• Hypothetical: Let’s say the devil suddenly appeared in your living room on Oct. 23rd and wanted to make a wager. The devil pays you $10,000 if Penn State has one or more wins before Thanksgiving. If they don’t, you have to chop one of your balls off. Raise your hand if you’d be down a testicle like me.

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Welcome to the New Age. Much Like the Old Age it Lacks Imagination, Often Seems Like it’s Draggin’, but Every Now and Then Becomes Radioactive.  

Man, 501 total yards! (Pops cork) 

After the Pppppppppppppppppppp]ppenn State offense posted its best statistical performance of 2020, is it any wonder why the entire FTB staff feels like cartoon Al Gore when Lisa Simpson bought a copy of his book, Sane Planning, Sensible Tomorrow. 

Lift the needle, move it back, and play it again, Al! 

THIS is what we signed up for. THIS is what we expected to see from the jump…well, except for the quarterback being different, the RBs being 3rd, 4th and 5th stringers, the true freshmen WRs outplaying all but one of the vets, and the reshuffled O-line…with Kirk Ciarrocca flipping the right switches from high above. 

Who knows, perhaps this week they’ll actually score some Pppppppppppppppppppp]ppoints, too! Dare to dream, people!

Sidenote: For those not in on the joke, here you go: 

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Penn State made a position switch on Saturday that might not have saved the game but might have salvaged the season.

Or maybe the season was already beyond salvaging, and the switch only solved one of many, many problems while possibly creating another.

It is increasingly difficult to draw any firm conclusions about this Penn State team, which lost in a different fashion for the fourth straight week, other than that it’s not very good. The Nittany Lions have been consistently sloppy, but also shown flashes. They’ve been more than competitive when it comes to total yards accrued vs. yards allowed (501-298 on Saturday), a metric that doesn’t mean anything without context but usually speaks to general competency, and yet they continue to be insanely bad in the red zone, where they now have eight touchdowns in 19 visits.

The insertion of Will Levis at quarterback for Sean Clifford provided more of those scoring chances, and 20 of the team’s 23 points, as well as a vastly needed spark that seemed to permeate not only the rest of the offense but the rest of the team; the defense allowed only eight first downs and six points after Levis took over early in the second quarter. There was the powerful running style the 220-pound bruiser had shown last season, yes, but there was also a confidence and decisiveness in the pocket we had not seen from his predecessor this fall.

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FTB’s Rapid Reaction/Stream of Consciousness After Penn State’s Fourth Loss of the Season

• Yeah, Penn State didn’t quit. Congrats, I guess?  Is this really where we’re at as a program? Commending guys for fighting hard after face-planting out of the gate against a winless team with a freshman quarterback making his first start? Appreciate the effort, but it can’t be applauded. 
• James Franklin’s decisions to A) Start Sean Clifford and B) Not pull him after that Nuke LaLoosh INT on the Nittany Lions’ first drive cost Penn State the game. Even pre-LASIK Jameis Winston could clearly see the emotional swing and energy boost when Will Levis entered the game. 

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Tale of Two Halves for the Nittany Lions Defense vs. Maryland. Therefore, We’re Focusing on the First Half Because That’s Where This Sad Story Was Truly Told. 

FTB CHARTING – BOX SCORE

For those of you who ducked out at halftime and found something better to do than listen to Matt Millen (who we LIKE, so don’t get it twisted) sing George Clinton lyrics, Penn State’s defense actually showed up in the final 30 minutes vs. Maryland. 

No, seriously. Yeah, we were shocked, too. 

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Sigh, When Scouting 93 Plays Feels Like Being Tortured for 93 Days…Here’s A Second Look at the Nittany Lions’ Clawless Attack vs. Maryland For All You Masochists Out There.   

FTB CHARTING – BOX SCORE 

We’ll take ‘Trash Heaps’ for $1,000, Alex.

Predicted to vie for a conference and national championship before the season, this unit’s ‘offensive’ display through three weeks has fans googling where the hell the Guaranteed Rate Bowl is played.

What is The Penn State Offense?

There. There’s our touching Alex Trebek tribute. For a Canadian, he seemed like an OK dude, I guess. Here’s hoping he’s in a better place, where parting gifts like Rice-A-Roni and Turtle Wax flow like Niagara.  

Now, let’s hold our nose and dive face-first into this Turd Sandwich.  

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Parker Washington had just caught his second touchdown pass of the game and his third of his three-game career, and yet, as he stood waiting for the two-point conversion play to come in, had his hands on his hips. A teammate gave him a half-hearted congratulatory pat, and the promising freshman receiver just stared straight ahead, continuing to wait.

There were still 16 points that separated Penn State and Maryland and 11 seconds left in the game. Washington knew, as did his teammates, and the Terrapins, and anyone who subjected themselves to as incredulous and embarrassing a football game the Nittany Lions had played in roughly two decades, that the game had been over for quite some time.

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FTB’s Rapid Reaction/Stream of Consciousness After Maryland Gave Penn State a Swirly and Took the Nittany Lions’ Lunch Money.

• To us, it’s not “Prisoner of the Moment” to at least wonder whether this is the worst loss in Penn State football history. We’re not necessarily saying it is, but it’s not a ridiculous question to ask, either. Off the top of our head, Toledo 2000 came to mind….but that Toledo team (which finished 10-1) is probably better than this Maryland team. What other loss would rival this one?

• In our post-Indiana DISPENSING THOUGHTS, we wrote: “A mature team absorbs this and gets better…not sure this is a mature team, though.” Looks like our hunch was spot on.

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Everyone has a Plan Until They Get Punched in the Mouth. Well, for Brent Pry and the Penn State Defense That Punch Landed on Play One and Kept the Nittany Lions Off-Balance All Night Long.

FTB CHARTING – BOX SCORE

First, a little perspective. 

The sky isn’t falling. The Penn State defense we all saw Week 1 wasn’t a mirage. This is still an above-average unit littered with NFL talent and very well could be the best defense of the James Franklin Era by December…assuming we get to December.

But, man, Justin Fields is so damn good. No, not good…he’s great. The GREATEST quarterback in Ohio State history. Anyone who argues otherwise just wants to be a contrarian jerk. 

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Winless After Two Weeks, Penn State’s Offense Can’t Play Out the Season for Pride Alone…They Need to Play Out the Season with Notable and Exponential Progression. 

FTB CHARTING – BOX SCORE

Not trying to get all Tony Robbins on you – frankly, I don’t have the enthusiasm or enormous teeth to pull off such phony positivity – but let’s start this week’s scout by taking a sip from a glass that’s half-full, not half-empty:

Maybe, just maaaaybe, 2020 Kirk Ciarrocca and 2016 Joe Moorhead are traveling the New System/New Coordinator Learning Curve at the exact same rate.

Because once each of their tenures hit the 90-minute mark, both guys’ offenses turned a major corner.

Hear me out.   

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